This is me. This may be you. This may be us.
2019…a year that couldn’t have started out more messy, frustrated and at times at the brink of ending it all.
Moving to Los Angeles was the best and most difficult experience in my entire life because it not only asked me,
but begged me to transform and transcend my traumas and generational traumas. I fell into a deep void the first 6 months of being in LA. Not many people could tell. I had breakdowns, I mean sometimes I would be out and I had to go sit in my car and just basically say why the fuck am I here? Is this all there is to life? Do we suffer and die?
The middle of June changed my human life forever. It was the moment I understood that I was a soul moving beautifully and willingly in a human vessel. I took 10 grams of psilocybin alone in my room with the intention to understand all that is going on within me and why everything had to be as it is to get me here and my friends, I had been abused since I could form memories so I grew up not understanding what love was, because love to me looked a lot like pain…it was toxic and it was always fearful love.
On that trip, I sat in a chair listening to 528hz music as the world around me started to shift into vivid colors that the human language couldn’t even express. I got messages from the source that human language can’t even express. For the first actual time in my life I not only believed in relaxation being possible, at that moment I knew relaxation. Muscles softened like the way soft serve ice cream first delicately touches your tongue implanting an explosion of sensation by how fucking amazing this is. I said “I love myself” and for the first time I actually knew it to be true. It was no longer an ideal, it was an actual expression of me being here. I kept saying it and then what felt like a cosmic restructuring of my DNA, I had a kundalini awakening and gained a clear understanding of the universe and why we, as human beings exist. Why all things existed. I no longer was an atheist, I immediately “knew” everything there is to being HERE. There was no more doubt, no more soul seeking….for the first time….I CHOSE to be here.
I’ve gained the ability to see which patterns come from not only my OWN trauma but generational trauma passed down from our parents and their parents as well…..AND now I exist to transcend them. To break the cycle of pain in my DNA and hopefully my family is inspired by the human I have grown into.
One of the most pivotal changes though, is my view on relationships/sexuality. I have fully repaired my sensual and sexual self. I took a vow of celibacy a few months ago (Which now I am sticking the middle finger to because it was to mask a deeper problem….I had no control over my sexuality/sensual self and often times repressed it so much that I would go MONTHS without having a libido. I realized it was because I never allowed myself to enjoy pleasure. It was always shameful and sinful….so my sexuality has had a huge lock on it and i’ve just now unlocked that key. The key to your spirit is through your sexual and sensual energies my friends and the world keeps us away from our fullest potential by keeping our sexuality/sensuality locked up in shame.
I no longer seek to change people, I no longer date people because they tick off a few things especially physical attraction. I am here to be with and show up BODLY with a partner existing as our own selves of the same source to help HEAL and transcend the traumas of the world. I had to let go of my regular ideals of romance. My romance will not be traditional or regular, it is to enlighten. Tantra.
I am and that is all. Welcome to @awakeningdeandre and I’m here to remind you how beautiful and POWERFUL you are.
My content focus will be on wholesome videos to center yourself, which will include yoga, meditation and spoken poetry. Thanks for riding this crazy ass wave I have been on friends.